I'm overwhelmed by my partner's stuff. How can I communicate with them?

Jul 1

This is always a tricky subject but truly one of the most important things in a relationship and when you combine spaces. Start with communicating and asking the right questions.

When you truly take the time to understand one other and why you want to hold on to certain items, you can then decide together how much space you will allow it in your home. If your partner wants to hold on to all their college study notebooks and you know they will never look at them again, maybe agree that they can stay but will live at the very top of a guest closet with other memorabilia or “archived” items. And when you move or your lives shift by adding kids or changing jobs, you can revisit these items to see if they are still important enough to take up that space.

The conversation can evolve and people, with time, may let items go. Do not push your partner to let go of items that they find important. Instead, gently introduce them to the idea of what is possible if they open up the space.

Remember, don't throw stones if you live in a glass house. If you also have some areas to improve on, start there. I find that both parties in the relationship want to have ownership of parts of the home and feel like it's equally divided. So if your area needs some work, do the work and it will show your partner that you are equally invested in this process.

Start by asking them if there are things that bother them. Why do they like to keep certain items in the main living space? Ask and being to understand their point of view. Then you can continue the conversation in a respectful way.

It’s always better to have a neutral party present during these conversations. It’s my favorite part of working with couples. They learn a lot about each other during our time together and it starts conversations that wouldn't have been possible. If we can help facilitate these conversations in your home, let us know!

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I'm overwhelmed by my partner's stuff. How can I communicate with them?

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